SlimSational Slim People,
Before I get started, I need to remind All Slim People that we have a really Big Slim Show this Saturday at the Sanctuary Lounge in San Diego. All details are below. We need SlimNation to show up in Full Force.
Just like you showed up in Full Force last week…
Dave Hawkes, Tateng, Mombo, Greg
Standing room only in Santa Rosa. Sold-out in Modesto. The band was on fire. Dave Hawkes on drums, Tateng on keys, Mombo on bongos and Greg Vail on sax. Thanks to all who made it happen (GZ, JG), and to all who came out to Da Shows. Slim Folks are Above Average and Ridiculously Good-looking.
After the tour, as I was driving back to Palm Springs, a song came into my head.
The 5 or 6 Slim Folks who actually read these newsletters know about my rare illness–Attention Surplus Syndrome. What happens is…I think about things way too long and way too deep. Here is a perfect example of ASS…
As I was driving through the mountains of California, I was singing this song…”She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain.” I’m pretty sure most people know this song. Here is the first verse:
“She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes,
She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes,
She’ll be coming ’round the mountain,
She’ll be coming ’round the mountain,
She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes.”
My first thought, as a songwriter, is…that whole first verse is just one line repeated five times. “She’ll be comin’ round the mountain when she comes.” Five times in a row! It seems a bit lazy. Repetitive. But catchy.
But here is where my ASS kicks in: I start thinking–way too hard and long–Who is ‘she‘?
And why is she coming ’round the mountain? She’s not coming from next door. She’s not coming from a block away. She’s coming ’round the mountain. So, she’s making quite a journey. Is she skateboarding? Riding a unicycle? Hang-gliding?
Then, I start singing the next verse…
“She’ll be driving 6 white horses when she comes.”
Hold it right there. Six white horses?
My first thought? This gal must be very high maintenance. She’s not bringing one white horse. She’s bringing six. Red flag!
And this gal, she’s driving 6 white horses. She’s not taking them for a stroll, she’s not moseying around the farm…she’s driving them. Which means, she’s probably got the whip in her hands, and she’s whipping these horses’ behinds.
Either she wants to get somewhere really fast, or she just read Fifty Shades of Grey. Either way, it’s got me thinking.
The next verse?
“We will all come out and greet her when she comes.”
You’re damn right I will! My first words?
“Hi, Hon. How are ya? Good. Question…Did ya have to bring 6 white horses? Could you have brought just one or two? Where are we gonna keep these animals? What are we gonna feed them, pesto? Who’s gonna clean up all that horseshit?”
That’s my greeting. Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh, but things are tight here at Slim’s Shady Trailer Park.
But it’s the next verse that really gets me thinking…
“She’ll be wearing red pajamas when she comes.”
What kind of woman drives six white horses in red pajamas? Boots and jeans seem more appropriate. Any woman who shows up in red pajamas driving 6 horses, I’m thinking…this woman has to be out of her mind. Or a whole lot of fun. Or both.
But it’s the final verse that really gets me thinking–way too hard, and way too long. This is where my ASS kicks into high gear.
“She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes.”
Seriously, Jill? I loved both of my Grandmas. But if I went to either of them and said…”Listen, Granny. I’ve got this Babe coming over, she’s riding 6 white horses, and she’s dressed in red pajamas, and she’s sleeping with you…”
I’d get a rolling pin bounced off my cranium. I’d get a frying pan to the forehead. All due respect to women who ride 6 white horses wearing red pajamas, but, you’re not sleeping with my Grandma.
I just wanted you Slim People to get a glimpse into this rare and
non-contagious problem that I have. ASS. Attention Surplus Syndrome. Don’t worry, you can’t catch it.
It’s pretty bad. But not as bad as having a woman driving 6 white horses show up at your house in red pajamas wanting to sleep with your grandmother.
But let’s not think anymore about that.
Think about this…
Who loves ya?
TAKE A STROLL AROUND THE SLIM STORE! 90 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS! FREE SHIPPING!
Saturday, September 27, 8 PM!
The Slim Men return to the Sanctuary. We’re back. We had fun last time, we’ll have more fun this time. Craig Chesnut on drums, Greg Vail on sax, Tateng Katindig on keys.
12090 Scripps Summit Drive
San Diego, CA 92131
Thursday, October 23rd
Hey 19! The Men of Slimness Return to 19 SPORTS!
That’s right…Greg Vail on sax, Craig Chesnut on drums, Tateng Katindig on Keys…we’re going Mano a Mano in San Juan Capistrano! Last time was sold-out, so buy early and often.
32120 San Juan Creek
San Juan Capistrano, CA 92675
Saturday, November 8th, 7:30 PM!
Can you believe the Slim Men are going back to San Antonio! Yes! Yes! Yes! Roger Tamez on sax, Bill “The Thrill” Parsons on keys, Eric Casillas on percussion, and Nate the Great on drums. Wednesday Ball on vocals, she’s dyno-mite!
SHOWTIME 7:30-9:30…that’s PM!
Village at Stone Oak
22610 US 281
San Antonio, TX 78258